She will find out that I am no longer interested in dating her tonight.
I have noticed over the years that women who are on antidepressant medications are negative thinkers in general. Antidepressant medications like Zoloft , Lexapro , and Prozac are band-aids to the larger problem of dysfunctional thinking. A woman on meds is a rescue project.
Are you up to the task? In fact, many men get high levels of esteem from helping women get back on track in their lives. We like to be needed by women. To fix their problems. These women have the ability to suck your positive energy right out of you, and to drag you into their drama-filled world.
You don't have to yell and argue to communicate. Your premise is flawed here. It may be that with the anti-depressant, your husband is now realizing that he would rather not live with someone who yells at him, and he's now in good enough shape to verbalize that to you. Just a quick note: Wellbutrin isn't an SSRI. But I, too, had fits of rage and deadened emotions on it.
Family and my partner had been of the utmost importance to me-- on antidepressants, I didn't care about any of them, which freed me from some negative and toxic situations, but which also gave me little to no meaning in life. The first 4 posts are ridiculous.
You in no way give enough information for us to assume you previously treated him like a doormat and the only issue is that you don't like it that you no longer can. All we can tell from what you say is there is a definite turnaround of communication style from before he was on meds. It seems like perhaps there WAS a major personality change for the worse sorry didn't read the article , and this COULD be a kind of negative side effect of the medication as opposed to it being perfectly clear that he's now more "himself" and refuses to be treated like a doormat.
I don't think we know enough to make any judgments as to what's really going on. Maybe talk to a therapist who knows all about meds, weird side effects, and how medication changes lives for better, and for worse, and both. Jesus Christ" posted by Blitz at 1: The OP said she raised her voice, not necessarily that she shouted at him. There are many degrees between raised voice and screaming, and most arguments can involve at least a raised voice.
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Even if he had been "a doormat" the OP was taking advantage of in which case, why would she have been pushing him to get help? Are you talking to anyone? Have you two done any counseling? If he refuses you can't make him, but if your relationship was in fact loving beforehand or you thought it was then it can't hurt to talk to a professional about the side effects or emotional fallout.
Maybe there was something you didn't see that was a problem obscured by his depression. Maybe he's using the excuse of drug side-effects to make a change he was too afraid to make before. Maybe there are deeper mental issues going on. Also, I am sorry you are going through this, it sounds terribly confusing. Make sure you take care of yourself. It doesn't sound like things have been easy for a long time. I did experience some blunting of my emotions, lack of motivation, that sort of thing on SSRIs -- but this wasn't what caused me to stopped wanting to be with my ex.
Antidepressants Affect Feelings of Love for Partner
It was that once I stopped focusing so much on how I felt about myself, I was able to focus on how I felt about him This just my personal experience, obviously, and you know what they say about mileages. Depression is often described as a numbness, a lack of ability to feel properly. It is not, from what I can tell anecdotally, at all unusual for those feelings to come back kind of piecemeal over time, and for the early emotions to be things like anger that are not necessarily productive. So it's believable that he might have been angry for a bit, but it sounds like he's worked through that stage, and yet he's still not interested in continuing this.
But you're not, here, exactly selling that there was much worthwhile in the relationship beforehand. Even take out what people mentioned above about conflict styles, you've got very little here about how great things were before, just about how you thought that this was permanent. The up side is that if what you're really mourning here is the loss of stability, there's a lot of potential that you're going to wind up with a far better relationship than you had before.
I'm going to suggest counseling -- couples especially. Are you both willing to unpack all of this stuff together and then decide to separate? Is your spouse in counseling to compliment his medication? I'm so sorry that this breakdown is happening, regardless of why or the final outcome.
Asker can follow up via the contact form if they want to clarify something there, in the mean time try to keep this more constructive. Wake up and smell the coffee. He is now standing. Respect his wishes now - especially now that he can flex his newfound independence. Why the shouting, and why the shock that he now shouts back?
Moreover, if someone feels the need to defend themselves to their spouse instead of just presenting the facts calmly and rationally , that raises many red flags for me. Hi, I could be your husband. I had anxiety and depression in my marriage for about 2 of our 4 years. I'm on Prozac now. SSRIs didn't make me love anyone less. But it did help me see that the relationship was failing to meet my needs, and that I could leave without feeling like a failure. They made me calmer and less reactive. It helps me take a mental step back and see the situation for what it is without getting into yelling matches.
I wanted to add that this is true, and probably does help a lot of people break free of unhappy or even abusive relationships.
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However, sometimes emotional deadening is good takes the edge off self-defeating thoughts! Sometimes more confidence and assertiveness is good respecting one's own needs , sometimes it's not lack of patience, lack of empathy, generally giving up on people and not working with them.
I always think of my medicated self as critically lacking the ability to stick with people through difficulties-- always thinking "why don't I just move on, I owe it to myself, why waste time on others who can't get it together. Also with due respect to Sequence, this doesn't quite sound like taking for granted: It sounds to me like the OP had no problem bringing up issues in the relationship or things she was upset about which sometimes came out imperfectly, with voice-raising with the goal of hashing them out, while her husband was more in the practice of avoiding things that seemed too confrontational.
Now he's suddenly engaging, but angrily, and being a lot more confrontational, which is already a new-medication warning sign. There is a great advice column on the Hairpin that ran a piece about addressing issues in a relationship instead of avoiding them, because you're missing out on so much intimacy by avoiding them. In that sense, it is possible that the OP's partner was avoiding intimacy, and also that the OP might be better off finding someone who can work through issues better.
Kruger5, I came in this thread to say that I behaved exactly like OP's husband on antidepressants, and realized almost too late that I was acting like an asshole because they had blunted my ability to love. I don't need to wake up and smell anything, it happened to me. Once again, assuming that antidepressants always magically lift a haze and reveal the true person underneath is terrifically naive. A lot of people have good experiences on them. A lot of people have bad experiences, and experiences that change. In some ways, you could be describing me.
Only what went on in my head and what you think has gone on in your husband's head are completely different. Please don't take this the wrong way. I am only relating my own experience. After just under 4 years of marriage, I began taking Lexapro. I had been depressed and listless for months.
Antidepressants Affect Feelings of Love for Partner
Lexapro gave me a foundation to stand on from which I could see that the things that were awful in my life could be fixed, and the main one was that I was enormously unhappy in my marriage. While depressed and without the SSRI, I thought that I deserved no better, that I had brought it on myself, and that there was nothing I could do about it.
Lexapro allowed me the sanity to leave my now ex-husband. I paid a high price to do so. That's just the kind of thing he would have done, too, since he was comfortable with scenes. I'm not comfortable with scenes and I really don't believe in yelling at people to make them love you. He thought that would help. All it did was drag me down further. This part of your post since we had both been unhappy for a long time, there was no point in continuing, and we should go look for other people to make us happy really hit home for me, because what I said to him was, "Both of us are very unhappy and I don't think that we need to be.
However, I don't think that we make each other happy. But I do believe that we can be happy. He had always said that divorce was a nonstarter and that marriage is for life.
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